Cry Out to Jesus
Rachel’s story
“I was in withdrawal from the meth. My insides felt like an empty, dark, black cave with no way out, and it was like my body, or maybe the devil was saying…screaming.. give me what I want.”
The first time Rachel told me her testimony, I had NO idea of her Jesus back story. At the time, she was a homeschool mommy living in a beautiful home in Flower Mound. I had shared my testimony of God’s deliverance in my own life and she shared an overview of her own ‘I cried out and God rescued me’ but neither of us in detail and that was years ago when we met volunteering at a Joyce Meyer conference.
Me: When did it all start?
R: I was 23 at the time. I lived in an apartment in Dallas with my ex and my 3 year old daughter.
My mom was in town then. Mom had problems of her own recently released from a psych ward after a breakdown. She loved God, but life had been hard on her. When I picked her up from the train station, I was a little shocked. She’d shaved her head during the melt down. It had grown about an inch since then and she’d died her hair a bright red color.
We were excited to have mom come in town because that meant we would have a weekend baby sitter. We had gotten into a rhythm of doing drugs. Party all weekend: Friday night- do meth. Fly high and ride that high out for the weekend without sleeping, eating or even drinking for the weekend. I would get a little bit of sleep Sunday night and then be able to mildly function to be able to go to work on Monday. I would do speed in the form of diet pills during the week until we could start over again the next Friday. My hair completely stopped growing during that time. I mean you’ve seen the pictures of meth addicts. It’s not pretty. I wasn’t there but the effects were beginning. I told myself I wasn’t addicted. I kept my job. I took care of my daughter. I was functioning. Maybe not doing it well but I thought I had a hold on it until I realized I didn’t anymore. I was planning my life around it. That weekend, with Mom in town, that meant no responsibilities with our daughter. We were going to get meth, get a hotel and get high for the weekend.
But this weekend was different. My ex had a lot of contacts. In the whole town of Dallas, it seemed we couldn’t get a hold of drugs that were always so easily accessible and readily available to us before.
Me: Why do you think that was?
R: As troubled as my mom was, I look back and realize she’d been praying for me. Had always been praying for me. God was doing something and her presence brought Him more powerfully into my equation. That weekend, my ex went to everyone he knew to find drugs. First he called and then we went physically knocking on doors at three different houses. You get desperate. But they either didn’t have anything or weren’t home. We tried one last place close to where we lived. He went in to the apartment while I waited outside. I was hurting. I was in withdrawal from the meth. My insides felt like an empty dark black cave with no way out and it was like my body, or maybe the devil was saying…screaming.. give me what I want. I knew I was trapped but I didn’t know how to get out of it. I laid down in the backseat of his car my body feeling the effects of the withdrawal and the need to get high.
Me: What were the highs and lows like?
R: It’s like being in a bright shiny place but it’s cold there. Like hell but bright. It’s hard to describe. With meth there’s an immediate addiction. It pulls out all the seratonin and adrenaline at the same time but then there’s an emptiness and a void and a new hunger just to function in the emptiness. It’s so spiritual but in a bad way. Your body craves it but then you feel less pleasure and more empty. A spiral down.
me: Was it scary?
R: One time I did meth and I thought I was going to die. I was scared out of my mind but I couldn’t move and I could barely breathe. I laid on the ground staring at the ceiling paralyzed. I was breathing very hard like I was having my last breath. I stayed in that one position…frozen..paralyzed for probably 2 hours. I was like a corpse-I felt bloated and it felt like rigor mortis was setting in. I remember having thoughts like, “My family is going to be so sad and so ashamed of my actions,” because I really thought it was the end. It finally broke after about 2 hours of misery and of course I continued to use.
Me: What did your deliverance from God look like?
R: So Randy went to another apartment to try to find drugs. I laid in the back seat hurting. This was bigger than me. I knew it then. I could no longer control it so I had the thought and I acted on it. I cried out, “God, I don’t want to feel this way right now. I don’t want to do this anymore!” Immediately I felt God’s presence. Like that very second I felt peace and I felt the desire for the drug lift. I got out of the car and I walked home free. I never had another withdrawal symptom.
Me: Do you ever think about it?
R: “Oddly enough, for the first five years, every Spring I would think about it and shame would wash over me. I didn’t have a desire to do drugs but I would remember all the things I did while on drugs and dwell on that time and the shame of it. That lasted for five years until I finally cried out to him once again and said, “God, please deliver me completely from the shame of it.” And He did. After I asked, He really did completely free me from the stigma, shame and even thoughts of doing drugs. He healed my soul.
Me: Did you break up with your ex after you walked away from the car?
R: Not right away. He continued to use and I couldn’t go back there so we eventually did break up.
Me: What happened after you walked home?
R: I walked back into my house from walking home and my mom greeted me, “You’re back!” With her red hair fresh out of the nut house. It’s like she knew something happened to me. I was back. We never talked about it but that was my turning point and I was glad she was there. Her showing up was like a sign. God saying “You’ve gone far enough down that path.”
Testimony Take Aways: CRY OUT to Jesus. Rachel did twice and both times He answered her. The Father is always happy happy happy when those who’ve lost their way come back!
Luke 15:24 For this beloved son of mine was once dead, but now he’s alive again. Once he was lost, but now he is found and everyone celebrated with overflowing joy.
I asked God if this story was meant to tell. Is the testimony “fully baked” and ready to serve and I heard so clearly, “Rachel’s testimony is a beacon of hope to others. I will use it to deliver MANY!”
If you would to purchase her Prodigal Prayer Journal follow the link: http://www.blurb.com/b/8058834-prodigal-prayer-journal
So here you go. A gift from God that carries the power of Jesus to save, heal and deliver. Maybe you don’t have a drug problem. Rachel didn’t think she had a problem at the time either or maybe you identify more with the prodigal’s older brother who did everything “perfect” but perfection is your drug.
Addictions can be things we don’t think of: anger to feel powerful, attention to feel loved, the the crowd’s applause to feel worthy or valuable. The things that we get a “high” or feel powerful from but then feel more and more empty when they are gone. In my life, I’ve seen “rushing” as a drug. There’s some kind of “high” from it and then an anxiety when I am still. Whatever you turn to in this world to fill the empty places other than JC, the concepts are the same. Turn from your “drug of choice”-control, perfection, striving, looking for love in all the wrong places, and cry out to God for help. He is ON YOUR SIDE! He’s waiting on the word from your lips!
Psalm 46:1 God, you’re such a safe and powerful place to find refuge! You’re a proven help in time of trouble-more than enough and always available whenever I need you.
Revelation 12:11 “And they have defeated him (the devil) by the blood of the Lamb and by their testimony…”
Questions to Ponder about sharing your own testimony:
*Many of us aren’t able to be authentic. We hide our stories. That is shame and not God. What if the Israelites hid the part about their slavery and only shared how God parted the waters and defeated their enemies. They forgot to share about the wilderness and only talked about the promise land. Would seem kind of “braggy” if you don’t share the imperfection of our human condition. Sure, it would be a cool miracle story but something would be missing. THE NEED FOR THE MIRACLE! Most of us don’t want to share the struggle only see who we are today post God’s victory. It’s powerful when we share the “I was lost but now I am found. I was blind but now I see. I was sick but Jesus saved me” stories of our life. These aren’t just stories, they carry the resurrection power of God for deliverance. If He did it for her, He will do it for you type of faith is born when we share our testimonies. Our testimonies of God’s greatness are the key to unlock another’s deliverance from the same struggle. Sure many of us rehearse the curse and are stuck in the pain of the slavery. Those aren’t testimonies those are just sad stories. So NO, we don’t live in the pain of the past but we share our stories when and where God leads to point to His power. Ask the Holy Spirit when and where to share. Do it when it doesn’t hurt anymore. Do it when the past is a peaceful place and you aren’t living there. I heard a pastor say this JUST today, “God cannot heal what we will not reveal.” It’s funny Rachel did a proof read on this and she said, “It’s like I’m reading about another person.” She’s been so delivered and she is NOT who she was! It’s a miracle.